


Super Villains Texts

by SilverNight88



Series: Super Texts [2]
Category: Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Gen, Super Villains, Text Messages, funny texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:13:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8739736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverNight88/pseuds/SilverNight88
Summary: Funny Texts between Super Villains:Doom is holding a secret meeting but can the Super Villains get along?Rated Mature for bad language





	

**Super Villain Texts**

 

[Dr. Doom] My fellow friends and acquaintances….except Loki, you are all herby invited to attend a meeting at my castle in Latveria, instructions on date and time of meeting will be provided shortly.

[Mystique] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] Has accepted invitation.

[Magneto] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] What is this?

[Emma Frost, the White Queen] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] I believe it is a meeting for all the villains.

[Klaw] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] I know what a meeting is you idiot! What I meant is why did you call me out specifically Doom? Why can I see and be a part of this text group but not get an invitation? Am I not your friend?

[Hela] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] You invited my own daughter, the Queen of Hell but not me?!!

[Ultron] Has accepted invitation.

[Apocalypse] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] Don’t call me an idiot, you cow!

[Magneto] Here we go again. I swear that you’re all worse than children.

[Mystique] I don’t think that you’re the expert on children here or did you forget that you abandoned your own three offspring?

[Loki] Hey Osborn what did I say about disrespecting my helmet? It is a mighty and powerful piece of head gear. What do you have for your outfit? A stupid Halloween character. Exactly. So shut your stupid green goblin face and go shove an exploding pumpkin up your ass!

[Azazel] Has accepted invitation.

[Thanos] I have no time for such trivial matters; I have a universe to conquer.

[Kingpin] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] That’s it Loki you are on my shit list.

[Magneto] That’s the pot calling the kettle black. What about you mystique? You threw your newborn son into a river!

[Loki] Ohhh I’m soooo scared…NOT! You’re a LOSER Osborn, everyone laughs at you behind your back.

[Sabertooth] Has accepted invitation.

[Mystique] I had to make a really tough choice. I cannot believe you are shaming me for that?! My life was at stake.

[Enchantress] I will not be attending this meeting. I have other plans that are far more important.

[Hela] What a shame. Its seems as though we will all have to find some way to cope without you.

[Mole Man] Has accepted invitation.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen] Hela I swear you beat me by one second. ;) Really who does she think she is? It’s sad seeing her act this way, pathetic really.

[Kraven the Hunter] Has accepted invitation.

[Enchantress] What do you mean by that you slut?

[Namor the Sub-Mariner, King of Atlantis] Has accepted invitation.

 [Toad] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] Who talks about me behind my back?

[Namor the Sub-Marnier, King of Atlantis] We have a not so secret texting group called Norman the Loser, we all send very funny texts and pictures of you to each other. I started the group after you betrayed me.

[Mole Man] Yes, even I Mole Man, the lowest of the low, am a part of that group. It feels good not to be the joke of the villain world for once.

[Norman Osborn] FUCK ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES! Delete that message group immediately!

[Emma Frost, the White Queen] Ahm… it’s Queen Slut actually. I just meant that Thor is never going to love you. You spend all your time mooning over him. It’s pathetic and actually makes me physically sick.

[Enchantress] At least I don’t have to wear white underwear everywhere just to get men to notice me.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts] Honey, I could be as ugly as Mole Man and smell like Toad and men would still pick me over your desperate ass. Your jealously is just so not attractive.

[Toad] Hey!

[Mole Man] That hurts.

[Thanos] As stated I cannot come to the meeting. I’m afraid that conquering the universe takes up all my time.

[Enchantress] You bitch. I’ll be there just to prove you wrong. I will have a better date than you.

[Enchantress] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] No one cares Thanos.

[Magneto] You tried to murder your son, meanwhile I just neglected my own children until they were older then tried to get them to join my cause and kill all the humans. I’m a far better parent than you are.

[Azazel] You are both awful parents so just stop.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] Five Thousand dollars says that Enchantress’s date will suck.

[Mister Sinister] Has accepted invitation.

[Namor the Sub-Mariner, King of Atlantis] I double that bet and say that she will find a way to get out of coming.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] Deal. By the way you want to be my date for the meeting?

[Namor the Sub-Mariner, King of Atlantis] It would be my pleasure and profound honor to escort one as beautiful as you Ms. Frost.

[Mystique] Fuck off Azazel! it’s not like you’re the father of the year either. In fact Kurt hates you more than he hates me.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] Top that Enchantress, I got a King for my date. ;)

[Azazel] Yeah but I least I was honest with him from the beginning, I didn’t try to hide the fact that I was evil.

[Mystique] You made him think you were the devil.

[Enchantress] Go to Hell Emma.

[Azazel] That was just a joke. I was just kidding with my son, I never really meant it.

[Mephisto] I made you stop calling yourself the devil. I had that shit copyrighted from the beginning, you only stopped because I was going to sue you.

[Azazel] Fuck off Mephisto you are like a annoying mosquito that never goes away, always coming around buzzing in people’s ears trying to get people to sign over their souls. It’s stupid.

[Mephisto] You’re stupid! Always trying to get your son to come to the dark side, this isn’t Star Wars.

[Doctor Octopus] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] As fascinating as all this family drama is you still didn’t answer my question Doom?

[Doom] Doom does not need to explain myself to you, a backstabber, an untrustworthy ally who tries to steal away my oldest ally and friend.

[Loki] What the hell?! You invited Namor but not me?! How is that fair?

[Loki] Are you mad at me? Really? Namor and I just had a coffee, I was trying to see if he would consider invading Asgard with me so that I could rule there. That was it.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] It seems like there is some boyfriend trouble, it’s cute.

[Doom] Namor is not my boyfriend, neither is Loki my friend. Loki you chose to have a secret meeting with my oldest ally behind my back, I would say that you are an unworthy of being called my friend.

[Namor the Sub-Marnier, King of Atlantis] Stop it I want no part of this squabble.

[Magneto] Really Doom? Do I need to remind everyone of the painting you made of Namor that you have hidden in your room?

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] Oh please tell us!

[Magneto] Let’s just say that porn is more conservative than that painting.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] :o

[Deadpool] Has accepted invitation.

[Deadpool] :o

[Kraven] will there be entertainment at this affair, perhaps a hunt of some kind?

[Doom} How do you know of my painting?! It was just an artistic exercise. Nothing more.

[Magneto] Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself Doom.

[Deadpool] Oh I’m defiantly going. Loki is going to shove an exploding pumpkin up Norman’s ass!!!

[Norman Osborn] NO HE IS NOT!

[Loki] I fucking will if I want to Osborn! DOOM! You invited Deadpool?!!! He is not even a real villain!

[Deadpool] I’m an Anti-Hero like Namor, sometimes good, sometimes bad, always sexy. Besides me and Doom are besties, I did him a huge life saving favor once.

[Loki] What was it?

[Deadpool] I picked up his dry cleaning, do you know there is a great dry cleaner here in New York that knows how to get bloodstains out of green robes?

[Dr. Doom] Once again I thank you deadpool.

[Kang] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] ….that’s a joke right?

[Dr. Doom] When all invited guest arrive in my country it is customary to give the host, myself, a gift. Afterwards we shall eat the traditional Latverian cake that is decorated with candles.

[M.O.D.O.K] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] Wait this is a birthday party? You are not inviting me to your birthday party? Are you serious?

[Kang] If this is a party then I don’t want to come.

[Dr. Doom] I will of course be providing free food and drinks as well as exotic entertainment.

[Deadpool] That means strippers right? RIGHT? Please let it mean strippers.

[Dr. Doom] Yes, both female and male exotic dancers will be there. As well as musical guest, the one and only Adele.

[Kang] Very well then I shall indeed be there.

[Loki] What? I love Adele! NAMOR!!!

[Namor the Sub-Mainer, King of Atlantis] For Neptune’s sake Doom just invite Loki already! He will not stop calling me, if you don’t then I won’t come.

[Dr. Doom] Very well only for you my oldest friend.

[Loki] Has accepted invitation.

[Magneto] *cough* Gay *cough* boyfriend *cough*

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] LOL

[Red Skull] Has accepted invitation.

[Magneto] I am NOT coming if Red Skull is there. He is a Nazi! Did you invite him just to get back at me?!

[Dr. Doom] Don’t be ridiculous, Doom is not a petty man…

[Red Skull] I understand that the little boy is too afraid to see what real power is like.

[Ronan the Accuser] Has accepted invitation.

[Magneto] I will straight up murder you! Nazi bastard! I will be there and you are going in the ground.

[Red Skull] Bring it Magnet Bitch!

[Thanos] Has accepted invitation.

[Loki] What happened Thanos? I thought you had a universe to take over?

[Dormammu] Has accepted invitation.

[Thanos] Shut up Loki.

[Norman Osborn] You see this is why none of us ever win! We’re all too busy bitching at each other to get anything done. If we could just band together we could accomplish greatness!

[Venom] Has accepted invitation.

[Magneto] Norman may have a point there.

[Mystique] Yeah if we could just put aside our petty differences maybe we could actually succeed.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] I hate to agree but this is actually a good plan…

[Baron Zemo] Has accepted invitation.

[Norman Osborn] :)

[Dormammu] I can only come if someone summons me. Can you do that? I get real bored here in the dark dimension, the only thing I have to look forward to is the Norman the Loser texting group. It’s the only time I really laugh anymore.

[Loki] Check it out! I just posted another funny picture of Norman the Loser.

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] OMG :)

[Magneto] Hahahahahaha

[Mystique] LOL

[Thanos] I can’t stop laughing! It’s hilarious!

[Enchantress] Gasp! Help! SOOO FUNNY! ;)

[Norman Osborn] This isn’t funny!!!!

[Doctor Octopus] Haha

[Emma Frost, the White Queen, Queen of the Sluts, Bitch Extraordinaire] Please tone it down Enchantress. You are trying too hard.

[Dormammu] HAHAHAHAHA

[Enchantress] Fuck you Emma.

[Ultron] Even I, an unfeeling robot, feel much joy in this photo.

[Namor the Sub-Mariner, King of Atlantis] This pleases me very much!

[Dr. Doom] Doom’s sides ache with laughter. Doom forgives you Loki.

[Loki] I thank you Doom, as always you are a man of great honor…unlike Norman.

[Mole Man] Yes, yes let us insult Norman some more!

[Norman Osborn] You are all fucking assholes! I hate all of you! I will destroy every single one of you of it’s the last thing I ever do!!!!

[Dr. Doom] Has blocked Norman Osborn.

[Dr. Doom] Doom does not want such a unworthy loser coming to Doom’s party. He would ruin it. Now I will be sending out instructions. Do not be late or you shall feel the Wrath of DOOM!

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post this a while ago but I keep adding to it. I hope you all like it, Enjoy! Comments and Kudos are appreciated. :)
> 
> Edit: Doom painting Namor  
> I wanted to add this link that will take you to the comics where Doom is too into Namor and the picture that I am talking about is the fourth one down:
> 
> http://imgur.com/gallery/2BvHX


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